


papillon (or why you don't let Pete Wentz name dogs or get dogs or have anything to do with dogs)

by lesbianpatrick



Series: poly fob! [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Dog - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Pet, Polyamory, idek anymore, poly fob, polyamourous relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6829174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianpatrick/pseuds/lesbianpatrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick nearly jumps straight up when Pete shows up out of nowhere. He frowns up at him. "You got a <em>dog</em>?"</p><p>"Her name is Hilary Sanders and she loves you almost as much as I do." Pete announces. </p><p>"Let me rephrase that." Patrick groans. "You got a dog and named her after a mix of two presidential candidates."</p>
            </blockquote>





	papillon (or why you don't let Pete Wentz name dogs or get dogs or have anything to do with dogs)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt from polyshipprompts on tumblr: Imagine your OT+ getting a dog
> 
> Yeah, I have a whole folder of these prompts, so expect WAY too many poly fob stories over the next few days 
> 
> And sorry about the long title I'm a aware this isn't a pre-hiatus Fall Out Boy song *eye roll*
> 
> So now, enjoy bad humor with a puppy. 
> 
> (Also there's a tiny mention of waycest and if that bothers you then ignore it)

Patrick is awoken by a loud noise. As he comes to, he realizes it sounds suspiciously like a dog barking. 

"Th' hell." He mutters, rolling over and accidentally banging foreheads painfully with Joe, who immediately wakes up. 

"Ugh, what _is_ that?" Joe groans, blinking is eyes open. 

"It sounds like a dog." Patrick replies, sitting up. He notices Andy is still fast asleep on his other side, but Pete is nowhere to be found. He immediately draws the conclusion that whatever the dog is doing here, it's Pete's fault. 

"Why is there a dog." Joe mumbles, rolling over and groaning again, then blinking at the clock. "At _5 am_."

Patrick sighs. "I'm going to look."

He gets out of bed, carefully maneuvering over Joe, and walks sleepily out of the bedroom. He's met immediately with a small furry shape tackling him to the ground with surprising strength and licking his face. 

"What the fuck." Patrick says, sitting up. The dog on his lap is small, with long silky black and white fur and especially long-furred ears. It's a papillon; one of the few dog breeds Patrick knows. Probably because they're actually really cute. 

Patrick gives in to the puppy and starts petting it. It barks joyfully. 

"Oh, do you like her?"

Patrick nearly jumps straight up when Pete shows up out of nowhere. He frowns up at him. "You got a _dog_?"

"Her name is Hilary Sanders and she loves you almost as much as I do." Pete announces. 

"Let me rephrase that." Patrick groans. "You got a dog and named her after a mix of two presidential candidates."

"Yes! Isn't she cute?" Pete grins. 

Hilary Sanders licks Patrick's face again. Patrick sighs. "Did you not consider that you live with your three boyfriends who _you might want to consult first before getting a dog_?" 

Pete shrugs. "Joe loves dogs, and Andy just generally likes animals. I figured you'd probably just give in if I got a breed you liked. I know you're papillon trash, Patrick. You can't hide it."

Patrick rolls his eyes and strokes Hilary Sanders' soft little head. "You're lucky you're right."

"Haha, yes!" Pete grins, then adds, "Oh, and you can shorten her name to Hilary or Sandy, by the way, she responds to both."

"Well, I'm not calling any dog of mine Hilary." Patrick declares, scratching Sandy behind the ear. "Isn't that right, Sandy?"

"Fine, we can call her Sandy." Pete sighs, admitting defeat. "But never forget her real name, okay?"

"Believe me. I won't." Patrick comments dryly. 

"The fuck is going on? Why do we have a dog?" 

Patrick turns to see Joe and Andy standing in the doorway, confused. Joe was the one who had spoken. 

Pete grins. "This is Hilary Sanders, Sandy for short, and she's our dog now."

Andy gives Patrick a wary look. "You let him buy a dog?"

"I didn't _let him_!" Patrick insists. "Why do you think I had a part in this?" 

"Because you're Pete Wentz trash?" Joe shrugs. 

"You're dating him too, asshole!" Patrick huffs, collecting Sandy into his arms and standing up, though it wasn't like he had a height advantage anyways. 

"Yes, and we've all made a terrible mistake." Andy says, a hint of laughter in his voice. 

"Hey!" Pete crosses his arms. "Not in front of Sandy!"

"Oh, so we can swear in front of our dog who does not speak English, but god forbid we say bad things about you...in front of our dog who does not speak English?" Patrick asks, tickling Sandy under the chin. She seems to really like that, and barks happily. 

"Exactly!" Pete nods, grinning. 

"I dunno, maybe we just have to kick Pete out." Joe suggests.

"Oh yeah. I mean, you didn't even _try_ those veggie burgers _I made from scratch_." Andy points out, smiling at Pete almost tauntingly. 

"Wait, really? Those were great!" Patrick gapes at Pete. "Rude!"

Pete frowns. "Oh, shut up. I'm sure they were. I just want no part in them."

Joe started chanting "divorce", while Andy listed all the seasonings in those goddamn veggie burgers ("Really, there's so much taste!"), and Patrick just shielded Sandy's little eyes. 

"Hey." He whispers to her, not caring he's talking to a dog. "I'm sorry we're fighting. It happens sometimes. We're not perfect. But we're your dads now, I guess. Even though you're a dog. Because you're part of the family. And you'll always be taken care of, Hilary Sanders Stump-Wentz-Trohman-Hurley."

"Dude. Did you just hyphenate all our last names while giving a pep talk to our _dog_ and put your name first?" Pete asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"At least you weren't last." Andy says, crossing his arms. 

"Andy, you'd be first in alphabetical order with first or last name. Let us have our fun." Joe laughs, pressing an overdramatic kiss to Andy's cheek.

"Hey, yeah!" Patrick frowns. "The rest of us would be behind a lot! Well, except for Joe with first name."

"Yeah, Andy, we're alphabetically challenged. You're oppressing us." Pete agrees. 

Sandy barks.

"Wait. Where the fuck did Pete get a fancy purebred dog at 5 am?" Patrick asks. 

Pete just winks. "I have my ways."

"Oh, we know. Seriously? A threesome with brothers?" Joe comments, smirking. 

Pete pales. "I didn't capitalize 'ways'! And that was _one summer_! They were good in bed, okay?"

Patrick snorts. "Not in front of Sandy, Pete!"

"Yeah, don't teach Sandy incest." Andy scolds, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "Her owners are already an extremely gay foursome. That's bad enough."

"Her _dads_." Patrick corrects. "We don't own her." 

Sandy barks again in what Patrick decides is agreement.

"Screw that. I wonder if Sandy likes cuddle piles?" Pete asks. 

"I suggest we find out. After all, it is five in the morning, _Pete_." Joe comments, glaring at Pete. 

"You love me." Pete grins, winking at Joe. 

"Mm, right now I think Andy and Patrick are winning." Joe shrugs, putting an arm around each of them as if to demonstrate. 

Pete's jaw drops. "Excuse me!"

"So are we testing Sandy's cuddle abilities or no?" Patrick asks.

"Hell yeah!" Pete grins. "To bed!"

"Finally." Andy rolls his eyes. 

Pete strolls past them, pulling Patrick after him, who in turn grabs Andy with one hand while still holding Sandy, and Andy grabs Joe's arm. 

"I love you, Hilary Sanders Wentz-Stump-Trohman-Hurley!" Pete declares happily. 

"Hey! Don't you love us?" Joe asks. 

"You put your name first, you little shit." Patrick rolls his eyes. 

"Fucking cuddle already, damn it." Andy practically pushes them all into the bed before following. 

"I accept that offer." Pete grins and pulls them all in closer, kissing everyone's forehead (including Sandy's.) "See? Now aren't you happy that I impulse-buy pets?"

Patrick, Andy, and Joe exchange a look and shrug, responding in unison. 

"Nope."


End file.
